even my farts smell like vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
