O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
