You can't motorboat a personality
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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