...so i touched it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
