I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
