i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
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I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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