So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
