my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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