Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
