He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
