Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
