is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
