and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
