Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
