oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
