Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
