Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
