people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
