seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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