Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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