I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
