i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
