She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
