the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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