Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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