you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
