do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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