ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
God, I missed his penis.
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