just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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