I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
