bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
