Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
