I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
