Yo dont text me then not text me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
