Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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