He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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