it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
