He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
