it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
