We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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