I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
