we're chasing vodka with high fives
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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