i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
