i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
