Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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