well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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