woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
