i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
