Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
