This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
