and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
