Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Randomize
