I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
