Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
