Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
