dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
