There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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