So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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