Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
