Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
