i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
