Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
