The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize