Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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