my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
